Let me begin by saying that yesterday, I consumed way more than the recommended dose of caffine, why? I'm not sure, as the previous night had been a good one. My regular 2 mugs of instant over breakfast, followed by my can of red bull, then Daddy's can of red bull, and rounded up by an iced caramel latte at Costa mid-afternoon. Probably a matter of circumstance rather than concious choice. I should also add, that yesterday was a very hot day, so putting you down to sleep in only a vest, with your large aden & anais muslin over you that cousin Kerry bought, seemed a good idea, but in hindsight, I should have bundled you into a grobag after your 10:30 feed.
So after laying in bed from 11, I was still searching for dreamland at 1am, and when you began waking only a short while later as the temperature dropped, I was berating myself for those additional caffine fixes. No matter how many times, or different ways I tucked the blanket, your high kicking legs, removed it in one fell swoop. And when, with an unblinking thousand yard glare you took the dummy from your mouth, held it straight up in the air and dropped it from arms length, leaving your hand spread for slightly longer than neccessary, I would have sworn it was a calculated manouvre of pure defiance!!! If I hadn't have been so utterly shattered and frustrated I would have burst out laughing!
So as I crept from your room praying you would now sleep till morning, and I would be blessed with the same luxury, I cursed the creaky floorboards of our 110 year old house!
- written at 5 am
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